Sweet Masochism…

October 6, 2009

I made a cobbler this afternoon, albeit sugar free. I am hoping that it will calm the sweet desperation I am feeling right now both for something yummy to eat and to get this baby out. I love Fi dearly but it took me five minutes to put socks on my cold feet after stubbing my toes because I couldn’t see the toy truck on the floor beyond my large stomach.

I thought that I would want this pregnancy to pass slowly so I could savor every last minute Kay and I would have alone together but instead I just can’t wait for her buddy to come. Abby is a really good second best though and it might take a while before the new kid can play fetch in the pool.

On another note, if I were David Letterman’s wife I would totally rather have him pay the freakin’ two million dollars or have the guy whacked than announce his indiscretions on television. Maybe I would feel differently if it actually happened to me but I don’t think so. It’s interesting how being married and having a family changes one’s perspective.

I think about good old Bill and how he adamantly denied “Having sexual relations with that woman” and at the time I thought he was such a bastard for denying what he had done but now I wonder if he was just trying to preserve his family. Of course it is best if cheating never occurs in the first place, but does ruining a spouse’s dignity and risking a child’s emotional health for the sake of honesty make anything better?

I don’t think that my morals are any different now that I’m a parent, but my compassion and the realization that we are all way more human than is convenient definitely affects how I view other people’s behavior. When I was only in charge of myself, it was easy to say what was right and wrong but now that I am part of a much larger and more important nuclear family I am much more hesitant to assume that I know  what’s best for others. Especially since right now instead of worrying about world peace or objective morality I am more concerned with not wetting my pants when I sneeze.


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