Archive for February, 2010

Long Time, No Write…

February 23, 2010

So I haven’t written in forever but felt the need to pick up the computer. Fiona is amazing and beautiful and I absolutely adore her- she is absolutely worth every tube and port and IV that I had while pregnant with her, not to mention the 3 weeks of labor and bed rest.

It’s amazing however that even though I totally prepared myself (so I thought) for the post-baby body meltdown, apparently not really! This part totally sucks but I think I finally found the answer in my new girlfriend, Jillian Michaels- joined her website, following her meal plan and doing the videos; what a life changer. I am definitely healthier now and have gone… ORGANIC! Yes it’s pricey but definitely worth the sacrifice for us as a family to make it work in order to have a healthy family and a healthy mommy. Although I do wonder how much backtracking occurs every time Patrick  squirts Easy Cheez into my little girl’s mouth (just Kay, not Fiona… yet).

While I really love my life, and feel especially fulfilled with 2 beautiful little girls the gospel is a struggle for me.  I have very little desire to read my scriptures or go to church. I just don’t know why. Maybe it’s postpartum or laziness or what- I just need to do it, the same way I just need to get 8 hours of sleep and just need to work out and eat well.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Their own struggles with not the faith itself, but acting on that faith… I am not one to fake it or go through the motions of any aspect of my life, especially when it comes to my faith in the gospel.

I am reading an amazing book called “Infidel” by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, and she speaks a lot about her faith as a Muslin and exploring her devotion to Islam. She speaks of Sister Aziza who teaches her about what it is to be faithful:

“She told  us it was our choice. We could choose to submit to God’s pureness and light… or we could take the low road… She told us God didn’t want us to do anything- not even pray- without the inner intention. He wanted true, deep submission… but you should do it  only when your ready, because if you do it earlier and you take the robe off again, you’ll only be sinning more. When you’re ready for it, you’ll choose, and then you’ll never take it off.”

I think that this is so powerful and true- I am struggling with the will to submit and I don’t know why.