Archive for May, 2010

Fairy Poop…

May 29, 2010

Two days ago I was getting ready in the bathroom when Kay walked in and said “Oh, look-fairy poop on the floor. Clean it up Mom!” She was pointing to the spots of light on the tile. I called Patrick to tell him how smart and funny our child was and it turned out he had told her that the little lights on the floor were fairy poop!

I reminded myself of said fairy poop experience this morning when the house was a mess and he sat on his computer looking at news while patiently waiting for me to get everything ready to go for the day. I am reading this book right now called “The Happiness Project”, which is not nearly as lame as it sounds. She addresses marriage quite a bit (surprise, surprise) and I found the following paragraph fascinating:

I was certainly guilty of “unconscious overclaiming,” the phenomenon in which we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other people. (It’s related to the Garrison Keillor-named “Lake Wobegon fallacy,” which describes the fact that we all fancy ourselves to be above average.) In one study, when students in a work group each estimated their contribution to the team, the total was 139 percent. This makes sense, because we are far more aware of what we do than what other people do.

Sometimes I feel like Patrick does nothing at home and I do everything, but clearly this is not actually the case. He does a ton that I don’t do, like staring at the floor with a two year old and finding fairy poop where I would see the grout that needs to be cleaned.


Battle of the Poo…

May 26, 2010

So while Patrick was gone last week I decided that I was going to start potty training Kay. We went and got big girl undies and prizes and it was so exciting for her (and me!) I read this thing on how to do it in three days and it said “don’t worry if your child shows resistance, by the end of the third day it will all come together”. WE ARE NOW ON DAY SEVEN! She wants nothing to do with it, she won’t tell us when she has to potty even though she knows, and I know, and she knows that I know when she has to go.

I am at a loss with this little girl who is so full of poo, literally and figuratively. As soon as I started to try she began using baby talk and sucking binkies and crawling again. I understand where she is coming from, I still don’t want to grow up either.

I am not sure what to do- my instinct says she is not ready yet and to just let her keep using a pull up and being my baby.

And so the ¬†battle begins. Do I fight Kay and in the process help her become a big girl, or can she and I stay on the same comfy baby side? I want her to stay little as badly as she does… she has the rest of her life to go to school and poop on the potty and be independent. I know those days will come soon enough where she is running off to neck just like her mother did. (Not me, her other mother, the one she won’t get to know until she’s 20, when there is no longer any hope of her staying at 3rd base.)

Being a mom is hard, but being a mom who helps my Baby Kay grow up to leave me crying my co-dependent tears of sorrow by myself is feeling impossible. How have women been doing this for a bjillion years? I feel like I am just not cut out for this part.

Julia Can Kiss My Butt…

May 24, 2010

So I never thought I would utter these words, but Julia Roberts has lost her magic for me… for those of you who know me even a little bit, know that I used to LOVE THIS WOMAN! But I love her no longer.

Now she strikes me as pretentious and lame and kind of nausea inducing. I guess the last straw for me is hearing her talk about sewing clothes because “we are in hard economic times” and I wanted to reach into the TV and hit her in the mouth just like our family motto says. Who is she kidding? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

When I was in high school I think I looked at her and thought she was sooo cool and hip and eclectic. All the things that I wanted to be. But now I think she is just an overpaid actress who thinks too much of herself and her loser tailgater of a husband.

In some ways it’s sad to retire a childhood role model and realize that we are all losers in our own special way, even People magazine’s most beautiful person for the fourth time. But you know what, screw it- I am my own most beautiful person for, check this out, THE 27TH YEAR IN A ROW. I am going to be my own role model with an over-inflated sense of importance. (I think I am doing a pretty good job so far, don’t you?) So there Julia- you and your sewing machine, bangles and knitting needles can suck it.

Do your aluminum balls hang low?

May 14, 2010

La la la – so yesterday was a ridiculous day for us! All was well until Kay was getting out of the car in the garage and somehow fell. Luckily, her fall was broken by her eye. So we went to the pediatrician who said that it was okay, just don’t let her nap since she was a little sleepy and woozy afterwards.

Then after bringing her back home and leaving her with my amazing sitter (who shall remain nameless not because I am protecting her identity, but because I simply don’t want to share her, ever.) I headed back to the pediatrician with Fiona for her check up. My happy sweet child has thrush, a yeast infection and a UTI. So we spent the evening boiling bottles and pacifiers while Kay gave us the stink eye. Oh wait, she just can’t open it all the way.

But amidst all this yuckiness, there was humor everywhere- A bumper sticker that said: “Maine Bumpah Stickah” which cracked me up! Then there was a huge pair of aluminum balls on a truck driven by a 60 year old man that perfectly swayed back and forth as he changed lanes. I ended up being behind him for about 20 minutes on my way to Dr. G and couldn’t stop laughing and smiling despite the day I had had. Whoever thought a pair of aluminum balls hanging off a truck would be my saving grace.

Dreamy MacGyver…

May 10, 2010

So- I locked us out of our house on Saturday and found out that I married MacGyver. He unscrewed the door knob, took a metal handle off a paint can and then was able to stick the metal handle through the hole and somehow managed to push the dead bolt open from the INSIDE! He was a total stud in finding a way for us to get in but more than that, he was really nice to me about locking us out.

It turned out that you shouldn’t make a copy of a copy of a key- the imperfections in a copy, tiny grooves that are created with wear, are exaggerated when carved and then don’t work in the lock for which they are meant.

I totally thought about this with my kids- are my flaws going to be exaggerated in them? I am definitely in many ways a copy of my mother, better or worse. My family says that Kay a “Teal x 10” and just a hyperbollized version of myself. Scary, huh?

The Future of Reality TV…

May 5, 2010

So today was a pretty boring day, which I loved! Washed some windows, hung out with the kids- caught up on the tivo.  It was a quite nice break after the insanity that has been my life lately.

I am in serious mourning however, about the current state of both “American Idol” and “America’s Next Top Idol”… basically America in general right now is failing to keep me intrigued. These shows used to be awesome but the only light in my life right now television wise is “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains”- this show is AMAZING. For those of you who no longer watch Survivor, you better all promise to watch when I am on it and tear things up, then quickly get voted off for being too bossy even though I have great hair when it’s dirty.

Either when I’m on that, or when Patrick and I are on “Amazing Race” or when Karen and I are on “Amazing Race”, or when Audrey and I are on “Amazing Race”; regardless it will be highly entertaining to watch me and someone act afraid of heights and get bleeped a lot when talking trash about the other contestants. It’s gonna be epic.

Cut Me Baby One More Time…

May 4, 2010

Fiona had her 4 month post-surgery check up today to make sure her incision had healed okay. It had healed just fine except that she now has an extremely large ventral hernia that will need to be fixed sooner rather than later. This is of course extremely frustrating for me as her mommy. Kay had to have this same surgery right around 18 months and the healing process was no picnic. It is very difficult to explain to a little one why they hurt and can’t move around.

It breaks my heart how much Fi has gone through in her short little life. While I am extremely grateful for our blessings as a family and that her little plight could be much more dire, it still blows. I know that the health problems my girls have experienced were most likely caused by all of the medications I had to be on while pregnant. I guess I should just be glad any of us survived the pregnancies at all. Now the only thing left to survive is potty training Kay…

In Case You Can’t See…

May 3, 2010

So as a result of Kay’s new found love of road signs, I ended up buying my own mother’s day present today. I purchased a DVD player for the car and used it tonight on the way home from Stuart. I was definitely looking forward to the peace and quiet (a little Dora in the background) on the hour ride home while Kay watched her movie.

Kay however, was extremely concerned with the fact that I could hear the movie but not see it. She proceeded to narrate and act out for me everything that happened, scene by scene, as well as she possibly could while still strapped in her car seat for the duration of the DVD. She was also sure to yell out the Spanish phrases when necessary in case I missed Dora’s cue and/or forgot to appropriately respond.

Although the car ride was not as peaceful as expected, my 2 year old’s unrelenting efforts to fulfill my need for Dora was way better than any “quiet time” I could have ever had. And way more entertaining.


May 1, 2010

Kay discovered road signs on the way to Orlando today- At first it was really cute that she wanted to know what all the words were as we went by… 2 hours and 5, 286 signs later, not so cute anymore.