My Petrified Uterus…

July 1, 2010

I have a couple of friends who are pregnant- I am so happy for them but at the same time it kills me. I always thought we would have 4+ kids and now the chances of that look pretty slim. I know that adoption is a beautiful thing and Patrick and I could love any child. But it is a scary prospect with a lot of unknowns. Would I always worry that an adopted child would feel different? Less loved? Would we, Heaven forbid, actually love an adopted child less or differently?

Don’t get me wrong, I am sooo grateful for the beautiful angels I have. And Fiona and Kay’s health problems most likely were a result of the massive amounts of medication I had to be on in combination with a lack of nutrients so it really is a game of Russian roulette. Not to mention I would lose almost 9 more months of my life (if I could carry a baby to term, which I can’t.)

I guess it is true that you can’t always get what you want but you can get what you need. I need my girls, but I also need to feel like I have all the options I want, whether that is realistic or not. Closed doors are so scary and they seem to pop up everywhere. Most of the time as a result of the choices I’ve made and so I’m okay with that, but this is simply because my body just won’t cooperate.

Sorry this isn’t particularly funny or witty but my uterus is a little cranky today and petrified of being laid to rest.


One Response to “My Petrified Uterus…”

  1. Colleen Says:

    My two cents: Don’t do anything permanent. You WILL know when you know. Trust me, I know!!!! 🙂

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